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| robbo |
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Joined: 10/26/2007
Posts: 432
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A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
>
> The interviewer asks him "Are you allergic to anything?"
>
> He says "Yes, just caffeine."
>
> "Have you ever been in the service ?" the interviewer asks.
>
> "Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."
>
> The interviewer says "That will give you 5 extra points toward
> employment here.", and then asks,
> "Are you disabled in any way?"
>
> The guy says, "Yes... an IED exploded near me and blew my testicles clean
> off."
>
> The interviewer tells the guy "O.K. In that case, I can hire you right
> now.
>
> Normal hours are from 8am to 4pm. You can start tomorrow at 10am, and
> plan on starting at 10am every day.
> Don 't worry, we'll still pay you from 8am."
>
> The guy is puzzled and says "If the hours are from 8am to 4pm, why
> don't you want me to be here before
> 10am?"
>
> "This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two
> hours we just stand around drinking coffee
> and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
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| robbo |
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Joined: 10/26/2007
Posts: 432
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> Traveling down the interstate and needing to use the restroom,
> I stop at a rest area and headed to the restroom.
>
> I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
> "Hi, how are you?"
>
> I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
> "Doin' just fine!"
>
> And the other person says:
> "So what are you up to?"
>
> What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
> "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"
>
> At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
> "Can I come over?"
>
> Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them
> "No..I'm a little busy right now!!!"
>
> Then I hear the person say nervously...
> "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions
>
>
> Cell phones, don't you just love them.
>
>
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| robbo |
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Joined: 10/26/2007
Posts: 432
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Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under
> my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him . . . 'I've got
> problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it.
> I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'
>
> 'Just put yourself in my hands =or one year,' said the shrink.
> 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of
> those fears..'
>
> 'How much do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the
> Doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said.
>
> Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you ever
> come to see me about those =ears you were having?' he asked.
>
> 'Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year is an awful
> lot of money!
> A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money
> that I went and bought me a new pickup!'
>
> 'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did
> a bartender cure you?'
>
> 'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!'
>
> SCREW THOSE SHRINKS.. GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER!
> Life is too short.....drink more beer today!
>
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| robbo |
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Joined: 10/26/2007
Posts: 432
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Haven't come across to many good ones for awhile--- But, finally have one worth posting:
> > > A hooded robber burst into a Texas Bank and forced the tellers to load a
> > > sack full of cash.
> > >
> > > On his way out the door a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled
> > > it off revealing the robber's face.
> > >
> > > The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation.
> > >
> > > He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking
> > > straight at him.
> > >
> > > The robber instantly shot him also.
> > >
> > > Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in
> > > silence.
> > >
> > > The Robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"
> > >
> > > There are a few moments of utter silence, in which everyone was plainly
> > > afraid to speak.
> > >
> > > Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said, "I think my wife
> > may
> > > have caught a glimpse of you."
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| robbo |
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Joined: 10/26/2007
Posts: 432
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Penguins
>
>
>
> Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go? Wonder no more!
>
>
> It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
>
> If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
>
>
>
> The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
>
>
>
>
>
> "Then they kick him in the ice hole."
>
> You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you!
>
>
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