Sorry!  Its been a few days, so I'll make up for a few days here.

OLE AND LENA ARE HERE AGAIN
> Ole and Lena were out walking and Lena clutched her heart and fell to the
> sidewalk. Ole got out his cell phone and called 9-1-1. The Operator said "Where are you?"
> Ole answered, "We were walking and Lena is on the sidewalk on Eucalyptus
> Street ." The operator asked, "How do you spell that?"  The phone seemed to
> go dead. The operator kept shouting for Ole. She could hear him panting. He
> finally came back on line and said, "I dragged her over to Oak Street , that's O-A-K."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Two Norwegian hunters from Minnesota got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose.
> The two lads objected strongly, "Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as yours." Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after takeoff Climbing out of the wreck one Nor ski asked the other, "Any idea where we are?" "Ayah, I tank we's pretty close to where we crashed last year."
> ----------------------------------------------------------------
> Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo ?" "Yust a minute," said the busy clerk.   "Vell," said Lena , "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll yust take da bus."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena , who had charged nonsupport. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support." "Vell, dat's fine, Judge," smiled Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks, myself."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Lars, the bartender, asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norwegian and a canoe?" "No, I don't," answered Ole. "A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled, "Vell, Deere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Lars: "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working."
> Ole: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No.."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena 's knee. Giggling, Lena said,  "Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to." So Ole drove to Duluth.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Ole died So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole. Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died.'"
> The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, asked, "That's it? Just 'Ole died.'? Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more." So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, " OK. You put, Ole died. Boat for sale"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel. "Have you eaten your banana yet?" Ole asked excitedly. "No," replied Lars. "Vell, don't touch it den," Ole exclaimed, "I yust took vun bite and vent blind!"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it "Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet." "How come?" asked Lars. "Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet she can't sing."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and asked, "Are you a pole vaulter?" Ole replied, "No, I'm  Norvegian and my name ain't Valter."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>  And dot's enough!
>

Jeff Foxworthy on Minnesota :

 If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through

18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by,

You might live in Minnesota

If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights

each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation,
You might live in Minnesota

If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy",
You might live in Minnesota

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March,
You might live in Minnesota

If someone in a store offers you assistance -- and they don't work there,
You might live in Minnesota

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You might live in Minnesota

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches,
You might live in Minnesota

If you know how to say...Wayzata...Mahtomedi, Cloquet Edina... and Shakopee,
You might live in Minnesota

If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy,
Y ou might live in Minnesota

If vacation means going "up north" for the weekend,
You might live in Minnesota

You measure distance in hours,
You might live in Minnesota

You know several people who have hit deer more than once,
You might live in Minnesota

You often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again,
You might live in Minnesota

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow
during a raging blizzard without flinching,
You might live in Minnesota

You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events,
You might live in Minnesota

You install security lights on your house and garage and
leave both unlocked,
You might live in Minnesota

You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison,
You might live in Minnesota

You carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlfriend knows how to use them,
You might live in Minnesot a .

There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at
Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time,
You might live in Minnesota

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit,
You might live in Minnesota

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow,
You might live in Minnesota

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter,
and of course, road construction,
You might live in Minnesota

You can identify a southern or eastern accent,
You might live in Minnesota

Your idea of creative landscaping is a plastic deer next
to your blue spruce,
You might live in Minnesota

If "Down South" to you means Iowa ,
You might live in Minnesota

You know "a brat" is something you eat,
You might live in Minnesota

You find -10 degrees "a little chi lly",
You might live in Minnesota

You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Minnesota friends,
You DO live in Minnesota